Monday, February 21, 2011

The Siege of Atlanta (A Ken Burns Production): Part Two

"I hate newspapermen. They come into camp and pick up their camp rumors and print them as facts. I regard them as spies, which, in truth, they are. If I killed them all there would be news from Hell before breakfast."
-- William Tecumseh Sherman


George Will, The Washington Post: "Baseball card collecting, it is said, is only a Hobby. True. And the Grand Canyon is only a hole in Arizona. Not all holes, or Hobbies, are created equal. All I remember about my wedding day in 1967 is pulling a Milt Pappas card out of a pack and wondering where the facsimile autograph was."

Narrator: "Day Two of The Atlanta Campaign started bright and early for the combined forces of Harris and Thomas. After a hearty breakfast at a Norcross diner, they returned to the site of the previous day's skirmish."

Shelby Foote, Historian: "The Saturday of a three-day show tends to be the most heavily attended, and this show was no different. Saturday usually brings out the civilians and curiosity seekers, and with Matt Ryan and Jason Heyward signing autographs the Atlanta Show was no different. But what was considered a "Big Show" for the locals, for the Yankees? Well, boredom began to set in."

General Christopher Harris:
"I do not know what to think of these Rebel cardshows. I do not know what to think of Rebel collectors. But I am already bored. For all the time and for all the money we've spent just to get here, I must say I am disappointed."

Narrator: "But for all the inaction in Harris' forces, it was nothing to the boredom experienced by the 84th New York Regiment."

Doris Kearns Goodwin, Historian: "Let's face it, cardshows are nothing more than a big, giant, ahem, sausage party. So if you're like me and actually collect cards, and are at a cardshow, you do get many of the same looks. Oh, she must be here with her boyfriend, or she must play for the `other team;' and yes, like 99% of female card collectors, I have been asked if I wanted any WNBA cards.

"So when I take a closer look at Brigadier Lulgjuraj and her plight during the Atlanta Campaign, I can't help but feel a little sympathetic."

Brigadier General Susan Lulgjuraj, Commander, 84th New York Regiment: "This sucks. The only thing I've collected in Atlanta is a cold. I've found only one Derek Jeter card to add to my collection, I feel sick, and I'm spending most of my time getting hit on by 16-year-old boys in the FCB chat room. I truly wish for this campaign to be over, and quickly, and I hope to the Almighty that I never come back to this miserable place again."

N: "Day two of the Atlanta Campaign was turning into a stalemate. Over the course of the day General Harris spent a grand total of $26, $16 on top-loaders and cardboard boxes.

Perhaps the best score of the came from Major General Campbell, who pulled out of a dollar box a double-jersey, double-autograph, of Prince Fielder and Mat Gamel serial-numbered to 39."

"Day Two of the Atlanta Campaign ended in disappointment. At the end of the evening, Harris and Thomas took out the frustrations at a minor league hockey game."

Harris: "With Michael Vick here tomorrow, I am hoping that the action picks up. If not, we shall leave this miserable city with more cash than I know what to do with."

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