UPDATED: How Will Topps Fuck Up Series Two vis-a-vis Bryce Harper?

4/30 Update:  WE HAVE A WINNAH!!!

As expected, Topps, predictably, will add Harper as a 661st card and SP the shit out of it.  And yes, the cynically-timed press release from the desk of Clay Luraschi arrived in my e-mail box just a few moments later.  We all knew they were going to do something.  Their staleness and stupidity is now beyond cliche, almost to the point of self-parody.

I'll have more on this later.

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As you've by now heard, Bryce Harper was called up to the Bigs, and makes his MLB debut tomorrow in LA. Well isn't that special? It's like the Nats actually think they're a Big League team now!

But I digress. We all know Topps has a need to fuck-up their flagship product with gimmicks, especially when it comes to a "hot" rookie (See Stephen Strasburg in 2010, and Kosuke Fukudome in 2008) -- something they, curiously do not do with some of their other base-level products (i.e. Bowman).

With 2012 Series Two only five weeks away, this give Topps more than enough time to produce the inevitable gimmick. And what better way to ridicule Topps than turning said inevitable gimmick into a money grab for me. Yes, I'm taking some action on this. Place your bets folks, the pari-mutuel windows are open!

Here's the Morning Line...

5:1 A "late addition" of a 661st base card short-printed to the bejesus that not even Brent and Becca will find it in 100 cases. This is what they did with the Albert Pujols and Jose Reyes "331" and "332" cards in this year's Series One. Topps had about seven weeks between the time Pujols signed for Anaheim and the street date of S1, which gave them plenty of time to include this card in the base set. With S2 scheduled for release in only five weeks, the turnaround time would be cutting it close, but I have complete faith in Topps with pulling this one off. In fact, it would not surprise me if Clay Luraschi is hacking out the cynically-timed press release now.  

25:1 A "Golden Giveaway" exclusive card. I don't think Topps would do something like what they did with Strasburg in 2010; but since they've done it once, you can't discount the possibility that they'll do it again. For the uninitiated, the day before his debut, Topps announced that Stephen Strasburg's "rookie" card would be made available the exact moment he stepped onto the field on their Million Card Giveaway website. Most of the MCG cards had already been redeemed long before this promotion announced, and had collectors known about it, would have waited. Topps has done some pretty stupid things the last five years, but they're not dumb enough to repeat this debacle.  

8:1 A 661st card thrown into the factory sets that will be different from his Updates & Highlights base card. This assumes that the pack out is already so far along and there's nothing Topps can do to include Harper, even if it wanted to. So, they'll add Harper as a bonus in the factory sets and save his "real" RC for Updates & Highlights.

999:1 A regular, un-gimmicked, non-short-printed base card. And only a base card. Pfft! Yeah, right. Remember who were dealing with.

5:2 A pie-in-the-face, or other similar non-squirrel-related gimmick. Look, we're all expecting Topps to do this. They've become so predictable, nothing they do surprises anyone anymore.

50:1 Bryce Harper in a Squirrel Costume. If Topps wants to destroy any credibility they had left with The Hobby, they'd go for the squirrel. Then again, this assumes that Topps has any credibility left.  

12:1 Bryuzo Harpuzki: Japanese Mega-Prospect. Of all the bets on the board, this might be the best "value bet." It's been a while since Topps did something borderline racist as Kazuo Uzuki, and quite frankly, they're due.

9:1 Harper with Obama and Dmitri Young Photoshopped in the background. OK, so Meat Hook might be a but of a stretch. But who else qualifies as the "Greatest Washington National of All Time?"

More stuff on eBay

I threw some more stuff on eBay last weekend. There's some pretty good stuff (at least I think so), and you'd bve helping me pay my rent this month (again). Check 'em out.

You know you've made it when you've been meme'd.

So yeah, I went ahead a made a Jefferson Burdick meme generator thing.

I'd like to post them all, but there are just too many to post here.

UPDATE

Inspired by The Cardboard (or Pony, or whatever the fuck he's calling himself now) Junkie, I've created this "Dos Equis Man" meme. Feel free to add your own.

Y U HATIN' ON JEFF?

No, I couldn't think of anything else clever to caption this old picture of Jefferson Burdick either.

Maybe you can come up with something better? Here's the photo, go for it.

It's See-B.S. Sunday Morning with Armen Keteyian.

By now you've seen the piece that aired over the weekend on CBS Sunday Morning. To be fair to Mr. Keteyian, Charles Osgood had the week off -- Osgood would have NEVER allowed this to air -- and you can only do so much with a 5 minute segment. He told a story which he thought was an accurate depiction of The Hobby in 2012. With that said, I thought it was a fine segment ... had it aired in 1994.

The main issue I had with the story was that it completely misunderstands what The Hobby has evolved into. It is not the Romanticized vision of "Leave it to Beaver"-era kids swapping cards, wrapping them up in rubber bands (now you know why you can't find a 52 Andy Pafko without severe notches), then riding the trolley with Mom, Dad, and Sis for a double-header at Ebbets Field.

Those days are past now, of course, and card collecting has ceased to be a "kiddie" Hobby for at least a generation. It is a Hobby for young internet-savvy men (and a few chicks, too), and there's nothing wrong with that. You wouldn't know that from the Keteyian piece.

You also wouldn't know from Keteyian how stratified The Hobby has become. Mr. Mint and five middle-aged guys in a VFW Hall in North Jersey on a Tuesday night are not representative of The Hobby as a whole.

Yes, The Hobby does have problems. But it's no where near as bad as CBS led Sunday Morning viewers to believe.

ZOMG! HE'S BACK!!!

Yes, yes, yes!!!

The Cardboard Junkie is back on The Twitters! And he's not just Tweeting about ponies!



Go follow him. Now.

Topps Gets SUED for Gimmickry.

I wish I was making this up.

First off, remember this...



Well guess what? Topps is getting sued of this card.

Yes,

TOPPS GIMMICKRY HAS DIRECTLY LED TO A LAWSUIT!

Read all about it on Cardboard Connection

DO YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS, TOPPS, WHEN YOU FUCK COLLECTORS IN THE ASS?

It's Time to Play ... TOPPS BULLSHIT BINGO!

The rules are simple.

First, download your official Topps Bullshit Bingo card.

Next, listen to the Topps flunky on Cardboard Connection Radio show.

Listen to internet radio with Cardboard Connection Radio on Blog Talk Radio

The game is simple. Listen to the Topps Flunky and check off the box whenever you hear him utter one of the catchphrases on your card. When you've connected five-in-a-row, shout GAME CHANGER!!!! and...

Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one who hates 2012 Topps.

And I'm glad I'm not the only one publicly speaking out.

Hey, I was on a podcast! Go listen to it.

Chris Thomas (whom as many of you know, is my collaborator on the Baseballcardpedia wiki) and I were guests on the FanGraphs Audio podcast earlier today. We spent about 45 minutes talking about cards, and never got around to what host Carson Cistulli brought us both in to talk about: 2010 Upper Deck and 2012 Topps.

I guess that's for another podcast?

If you've got 45 minutes to kill this evening, have a listen.

FanGraphs Audio: The Editors of BaseballCardPedia