"Hi everyone, I'm Gus Johnson, and welcome to the Regional Semi-Finals of the Tournament of Gimmicks."
"In the Jefferson Burdick Region, Kazuo Uzuki easily defeated the 2008 upside down gimmicks 26-7. OOOOHHHHHHH MY!!!!!!! THIS IS AS GOOD AS IT GETS!!!!!
And in the other game OOHHHHH WHAT AN UPSET!!!! As the Billy Ripken Fuck Face card WITH ENGLISH!!!!! took down Manufactured Letter Patches 20 to 13."
"Now, let's go to the Olbermann region, where in an INSTANT CLASSIC!!!!!! the #4 seeded Derek Jeter/Mickey Mantle/George W. Bush card BURIED IT!!!! on the the #1 seeded Johan Santana fake no-no. And in the other half of the region, UD Documentary CLIMBED THE MOUNTAIN!!!! and eeked out the win on a last second three-pointer over the Hillary/Morgana gimmick. WHAT A GAME!!!!!"
"Moving on to the Jim Beckett Bracket, in an MAJOR UPSET!!!! Alex Gordon had GET AWAY FROM THE COPS SPEED!!!!! as the #4 seed took out the #1 seeded "Jon" Smoltz card from last year's Heritage. Meanwhile Franken-Cuts, the cut signatures that everyone loves to hate, went all RISE AND FIRE!!!!! (count it) on Poley Walnuts.
Finally, in the Sy Berger Regional, as expected Yankee Stadium Legacy is through to the Elite Eight with a 16-9 win over Topps Moments & Milestones. It was HEART!!!! BREAK!!!! CITY!!!! for TM&M, who put up a strong fight, but in the end it was YSL that was the stupider gimmick. Finally, for the last ticket into the Regional Final, we had what many would call a Final Four-type match-up as #2 seeded Scoreboard Abe went DOWN TO THE WIRE!!!! with the #3 seed DEEE $5.99 Redemptions. It was an INSTANT CLASSIC!!!! but the $5.99 redemptions BROUGHT THE PAIN!!! and beat Scoreboard Abe by a single point."