1) Acquire a half-pint 10-inch hypodermic needle (the kind used for spinal taps & inoculating bulls).
2) Fill this full of rum, tequila, Wild Turkey, or Flying Dog Brewery's Gonzo Imperial Porter.
3) Inject the entire contents straight into the stomach, through the navel. This will induce a fantastic rush -- much like a three-quarter hour Amyl high -- plenty of time to watch the awful spectacle below.
4) Set to full-screen and press play.
One Master Box of 2009 Topps Finest Baseball -- supplied by the manufacturer for free.
Two, six-pack, mini-boxes per Master Box (MSRP $50/mini-box)
Base Set: 49 of 164 (29.88%)
short set: 48 of 150 (32.00%)
1 Autographed Rookie Letter Patch (14 manufactured letter patches, 1:2 mini-boxes): T. Snider EXCH
4 "Plain Vanilla" Refractors: J. Posada, X. Nady, HanRam, M. Garza
4 Blue Refractors (numbered to 399): The World's Fattest Vegetarian, K-Rod, T. Hudson, M. Tuiasosopo
1 Green Refractor (1:2 mini-boxes, numbered to 99): G. Meche
1 Gold Refractor (1:4 mini-boxes, numbered to 50): M. Buehrle
1 Autographed Rookie Letter Patch Refractor (1:4 mini-boxes): A. Solome "E"
1 2009 MLB Rookie Redemption (1:3 mini-boxes): #1
Product Rating: 2 Gumsticks (out of 5)