Saturday, May 10, 2008

Topps: The Pilot Episode.

(The scene, the boardroom. Jason and Randy are about to preside over their first board meeting as joint-CEOs of Topps.)

Jason: The first meeting of the Topps Board of Directors is now in session. Randy, do you want to....

Randy: ... take the roll? Sure thing little brother. Let me get out the sheet here and call everyone's....

Jason: ... names?

Randy: ... ummm, yeah. Mr. Eisner?

Michael: Here.

Randy: Mr. Berger?

Sy: Here.

Randy: Mr. Olbermann?

Keith: Present.

Randy: Mr. Ginter

Allen: Here.

Randy: And finally..., hey, ummm, Jason?

Jason: Yeah, Randy.

Randy: Who's this guy? (pointing to name on roster list)

Jason: Oh, that's the new guy. Louie!

Announcer: And now...Louie! The guy who comes in and says his catch phrase over and over again.

Louie: HEY EVERYBODY!


All: LOUIE!!!

Louie: Who's got something for me?

Sy: I do.

Louie: What is it?

Sy: A waxbox of 2008 Topps Co-Signers.

Louie: Topps Co-Signers?

Hey, I wanna dip my balls in it!

All: YAY!!!

Louie: Hey Olby, what you got there?

Keith: It's a 1977 Reggie Jackson Proof, what do you want with it?

Louie: What do I want with it?
I wanna dip my balls in it!

All: YAY!!!

Sy: Very infectious and amusing, this Louie character.

Louie: Who's got some Topps Finest?

Allen: I do!

Louie:
I would like to dip my balls in it!

All: YAY11!

Randy: How about some 1995 Topps D3 singles?

Louie:
I would like to dip my balls in it!

All: YAY!!!

Sy: Hey Louie... A Kazuo Uzuki gimmick card?

Louie: Aw hell, who gives a damn!
I wanna dip my balls in it!

All: YAY!!!

Allen: A dozen Topps Heritage short-prints?

Louie:
I wanna put 'em in top-loaders!

All: YAY-awwwwww

Louie?

Louie: You've heard it all before!

Allen: No we haven't.

Louie: You've heard it all before.

Jason and Randy: No! We haven't.

Louie: You've heard it all before!

All: Oh no we haven't!

Louie: I'm sorry, I can't say it.

All: (gradually increasing in volume) Louie! Louie! Louie! Louie! Louie! Louie! Louie! Louie!

Louie: HEY! EVERYBODY!!!!

All:
I WANNA DIP MY BALLS IN IT!

3 comments:

The Doc said...

Wow, Chris maybe you should write a script for a new Doctor Wax Battle sitcom (reality show)

badwax.net said...

God I miss the state! Now the Louie guy has a reoccurring on a show called Reaper. He was also in Dawson's Creek, every time he has some screen time though, I expect him to blurt out, I wanna dip my balls in it.

Gellman said...

The best state sketch was the kid with the really long, umm you know, or the kid being the only one at camp for the summer. Both some of the funniest of all time.